something magical just happened. needs some background info, hope i get it all together.
we have a woman in our close neighbourhood, i use to call her the cat-woman. she has one own cat and takes care about all cats here in the neighbourhood. they all come to her. she moved here..like over a year ago i guess. we sometimes talk, of course ;)
back in 2003 my mother and i took care about a wildcat here. she was shy at first then we could touch her and all. a few month later, 11th october 2003 she died. we found her dead under one of her fav trees. we were sad. the next days i always felt her and these were the days i say a wild, young, male cat for the very first times. exactly one week after we said goodbye to the old wild cat - it even was the same hour - my mother and i went down the street and that wild young cat sat there. i told my mother: look there he is but he will run away (he used to be so shy the first times i saw him). he didnt run away, not at all. he went with us, not letting us go. do i have to tell more? his name is felix and he is living with us since then (at my parents house three minutes away from me).
so..this is this week again. the days between 11th - 18th october.
its evening right now, its dark. nice air though. i decided to go for a little work. i rarely do that. five minutes away from my appartment there was a car stopping. a woman got out. a cat run to her. it was so cute. the woman looked at me (dark, couldnt see her face) and i said something like: thats i welcome id like to have too!
it was the cat woman. she told me she is feeding this one stray cat since march. we stood there a while talking, feeding, playing with this damn cute cat. i said i would take her (dont ask me why i said that) and she said she already is worried about winter + the time she is away for work in january. i told her id take care of the cat then. and seriously she (the cat) could come to my place. tomorrow we will meet again at the same time. and maybe at one point we will try to get that cute cat closer to my appartment. maybe it works. but it surely is magic week!
I'm quite fond of my cat Benson if it isn't already obvious. She has brought many smiles and laughs to my life in the last 5 months that I am not really sure I would have handled as well if it were not for her to be quite honest. I am not where I want to be physically (as in where I am living) or physically as in health-wise. There really isn't anything I can do about either which is just maddening because I...like I suspect many women and even people in general, am a fixer. Problem? Get to work on a solution, STAT. That is actually something I've come to see in Benson and I think that is partially why there is such a strong bond. When she was adopted for me, the vet talked to me at her first appointment and said she has a birth defect in her cornea so there is fluid in her left eye. She was beaten up pretty horribly by the other kittens because she was also the smallest in the group. She's still the smallest cat of the group that was adopted out. She weighs 5 lbs as of last week. It's clear she was the runt and not much was expected out of her. Guess what? That sounds all too familiar to me. Guess what else? She amazes everyone who meets her. She has the best personality, she is very smart (too smart actually), she sees something she wants and she goes for it. She isn't afraid of anything. Not the garbage truck, the vacuum cleaner, the other cat who lives here who outweigh her by 20lbs, NOTHING. She adapts to every situation she is in and if she isn't happy, she lets it be known so that something can be done about it. People get caught up with her eye condition when she's ready to conquer the world. I believe I have witnessed her showing exasperation when she hears someone asking a million questions about. How it happened, is she okay, will she lose sight, has she lost sight, can surgery fix it...the list goes on. Well...okay so maybe its ME that shows exasperation when all this happens. It is as if the eye problem defines everything she is and I for one am not going to allow her to be put into that small box of thinking. Ah well...end of mom rant, onto other stories to share about her.
So, when she was given to me, she was this LITTLE ball of black fuzz that squeaked. She insisted on being held like a baby in order to go to sleep. I'm not joking. That is very odd for me to even remember because now she is always on the go. She even sleeps about a foot away from me. If I pick her up and hold her like she used to insist, she squirms and wants to be let down. KIDS! Within 20 minutes of having her, she was named. I had no idea I was getting a kitten and a name did not automatically come to me when I saw her. I put her down so she could explore and she headed under the bed. A 12 oz kitty who is black, going under a bed. FUN TIMES in trying to find her. So I lift up the bed-skirt because I hear this banging against the wall. She comes out from under the bed with this lipstickl in between her paws. She's found a toy!! More than that though, she has found something that had been MISSING for over 2 months. The lipstick is a purchase I made because the color was designed by an actress I very much admire. Mariska Hargitay, who plays one of the lead detectives on Law and Order SVU. Her character's name is Olivia Benson. It came to me then, obviously. She found lipstick that no one else in the house could find. She fell asleep with it between her paws an hour later and I took a picture. It was too "awww" not to.
Today Benson had quite an adventure and she took me with her. She has been enthralled with the deck on the second floor, so WITH supervision I've let her out there. She loves to watch the bees and she REALLY wants them to be her friends so she clears about 2 feet in the air jumping at them when they hover above her. She was up on the railing, and when I watch her I get queasy because she walks like she's on a tightrope. She has this REALLY long tail and she isn't completely aware for whatever reason, that it is ATTACHED to HER. She sees it out of the corner of her eye, notices that it is following her so she chases it. About a month ago, shen she started really liking heights, she was up on the banister on the THIRD floor with us in the kitchen and she saw her tail, chased it in a circle, turned too fast and too wide and went sailing over the edge. She landed on the steps 2 flights down. Fortunately the stairs are carpeted with rather thick carpeting. She shook her head, got up came bounding up the steps and then bit me because ONCE I REALIZED she was okay, I laughed. Well, today we were OUTSIDE, she was standing up on her back legs like a squirrel, the bee flew out of her range and she sailed over the edge. I wil be the first to say that I screamed so loud that neighbors 3 doors down on either side of the house called and or came by. I couldn't see her so my mother went down. There was no noise coming from Benson at this point. Only the sound made when she hit...stones, shells and pebbles I might add. Mom said, "She is looking for you, talk to her" so I managed to talk to her. She went under the bottom part of the deck and hid behind a ladder. Getting her to come out was the LONGEST five minutes I think I have ever waited because in MY mind, if she wasn't moving anymore, she was hurt. She finally came out and I made sure nothing was broken or bleeding. Know what happened? Within 5 minutes she wanted to go back outside. Like nothing ever happened. She wanted to go back out into the world and have FUN. It was ME who took 3 hours to calm down. She was great! She's been sitting in the window and every few minutes she will make sure I'm paying SOME attention and when we lock eyes she makes a "Meh meh" sound that to me says, "Outside!" I think we're a good team for each other. Now I just have to be a good teacher and make sure she knows a HEALTHY dose of caution, while she continues to teach and remind me that there such a thing as too much caution.
Watching my cat and dog sometimes makes a lot of things clearer in life. Seeing my dog laying next to me on the couch and the cat looking more comfortable than any "body", human or animal should be, as she lays on the floor. Flat on her back, front paws relaxed as they fall naturally into a bend at her ankle... I guess they have ankles. And her back legs so relaxed with her toes curled. That has always amazed me... cats actually have toes. She looks so at ease and comfortable I often wonder what that would be like and if I asked her would she be willing to tell her secrets on how she came to this state of body bliss.
Then there is my dog, who the best thing to her and what she believes is quality time spent with her is... me sitting on the couch and her little butt tucked tightly against my hip. I guess it's something about the butt area for animals; it's good to keep it warm... I guess. But in any case, to hear her snore peacefully, butt warmed by her closeness to me is rather comforting. Another state of bliss.
Simple, comfortable, relaxed and the world is perfect to them. It makes me smile.
My cat lazily looks around the room as she lies there. Moving her head to the left and right looking. Then looking overhead. I wonder what she is thinking as she does that. Is she thinking of how to pay the next vet bill or finding peace in the world? She seems like those thoughts could almost be possible. But I think she's just looking around to find the next thing to pounce on or looking cute with her fluffy belly exposed so I pet her. In either case, she looks very content... ah, simplicity.
My dog on the other hand gets those far away looks. She gazes off into space with a thoughtful look. Again, is she thinking of solving poverty, feeding the hungry... well, no probably not. Feeding anyone is her thinking about me feeding her. Or she's thinking about her next potty break, why isn't the water bowl full enough or the food bowl isn't full enough or of course, when do I get my treats... ah, simplicity.
I guess even if I think I'm making my life simple sometimes to ease the stress and be able to breathe. I guess I still have a lot to learn from the two rather well balanced furry kids I share my life with at this time. Always something to be learned from the other creatures living with us on this Earth.
With my furry kids there is truly unconditional love. And no matter how we want to give that to another human being, I don't think we truly ever really succeed. I think we try really hard. But we demand too much of others and ourselves. Maybe unconditional love and just living life is easy because of the simplicity for them. They find it easy to love and give love. There's no great demand on them to be something they are not. No deadlines. It would be kinda funny though if you make demands of your cat to be a horse with a little itty-bitty saddle. Wouldn't that be cute? ;) At times my cat does bark and the dog does meow. Sorry, got off track there... but I guess with simplicity in life, many things might come easier.
I don't really know. And if I knew, don't you think I'd tell you? I guess it's good life's such a mystery. Because it sure would be dull if it wasn't and I'd have nothing to unravel.
*tucking this post away in my notebook* Thanks for stopping by. :)
my two cats alice and felix and my favourite kind of bird :p
my two cats alice and felix and my favourite kind of bird :p
Ok, sorry these photos were taken with my phone cause I was too lazy to pull out the real camera. And well the doggie picture turned out better than this one... my kitty is basically black... but has tortoise shell markings on one side of her face and that side of her body... but it blends in well so she kinda look s completely black. You probably can make out one eye... believe me there are really two... you can see the other one. :)
I think she was trying to blend in with the couch. Look at that fuzzy little face. One of my furry kids. :)
Ok, share your odd things that you think about. Because I'm going to share some of mine. I know my mind works in mysterious ways... so I figure others must also! Come on, ya know you want to share them... go ahead.
Here... we... go!
So some odd things that have popped up lately in my head:
Just a random kittin that someone brought to see the kids one day
She hasn't told me who she is eyeing but its a relief that there's a computer between everyone 
She fell asleep on the job...what can I say?
I SO just answered the last question with this photo!
so 2008 was insane. it was all about work. but not in the good way. the whole year was filled with work-trouble. and whenever i thought that there now has to be an end it simply went on, just worse. it began in the first week of january and didnt stop until december. i cant believe how much stuff can happen at one place in one year. my co-worker and me are still - no, always have been in this "this cant be true" place. so much trouble, fights, misunderstandings, bad behaviour. i havent had a private life and felt exhausted pretty soon. i always tried to find a way to step back at least a little bit. there wasnt any. most of this stuff was caused by a few people again and again. i was (and still am) so fed up dealing with peoples issues that i just dont want to have in my life. of course especially bad situations teach alot. i believe awful things can change yourself to the good, make you stronger and make you come further in many ways.
the kids were amazing (while writing i realize that there have been lots of good-special things too in 2008 - i guess i was to exhausted to really see it). this whole bunch of one-three year olds..omg
. for a "normal" job its pretty great. i mean this year i did things i havent done since i was a child. like playing with three bucket of shaving foam..running through this sprinkler thing in summer and letting a kite fly in autum..
and the lunch breaks with my two co-workers - we had so many funny conversations but many deep talks too.
so 2008 was about all these things.
no acting, not much photography. i even neglected my ballet class ALOT. i spent alot time in front of my tv.
in april (i think) i went to berlin for two days just to get away. but i was so exhausted that even that trip wasnt fun at all. but i got to meet funkyrella!
the best thing in 2008 was finding this appartment. its like i always wanted it to be. three huge rooms (compared to how less i have to pay)..with the floor i wanted. huge windows. a small bathroom and a small but cute kitchen. its an old house :) the entry is on the back-side, not to the street. it has a small garden. its in my "old" street ♥ and its in my cats area so i get to see him alot still (cats stayed at my parents house). the other (few) people here a nice. and i had alot luck with all the things i needed.. they arrived just in time out of nowhere and i didnt spend much money on anything.
in summer i was lucky to get in contact with some "old" friends :p like ronin. and i talked to two others on the phone which made me all happy too. and now this place here barbara and shadoe created :)
2009 has to be different. im usually not like "a new year and everything is going to change" but this time i am. i dont really know where i get this feeling from.
my job wont be my main focus in 2009. i like my job and thats not going to change but it wont run my life. i already gave up the "boss"position i had in 2008 - which just gave me more trouble + work for no more money or any other bonus.
i will focus on acting stuff, photography and writing.
i will work out much more and wont miss that many ballet classes like in 2008.
focus on knowledge. learning stuff. learning more about politics, history, psychology and so on. need to use my brain more again ;)
i will do alot things different than before.
not sure about how some things will work out because my job doesnt give me any flexibility with working times and even getting a day off can be very difficult. but in the end thats out of my hands, i simply trust the universe to make these things right. ive got to stop to worry about things like that.
and one dream is to go the usa. and if its just for one week, i dont care. not sure if this will come true in 2009 or not but i dont give up hope. and if its not in 2009 then maybe in 2010..
there have been three books that helped me through this year. ive never read anything like that before..
:)
