I'm quite fond of my cat Benson if it isn't already obvious. She has brought many smiles and laughs to my life in the last 5 months that I am not really sure I would have handled as well if it were not for her to be quite honest. I am not where I want to be physically (as in where I am living) or physically as in health-wise. There really isn't anything I can do about either which is just maddening because I...like I suspect many women and even people in general, am a fixer. Problem? Get to work on a solution, STAT. That is actually something I've come to see in Benson and I think that is partially why there is such a strong bond. When she was adopted for me, the vet talked to me at her first appointment and said she has a birth defect in her cornea so there is fluid in her left eye. She was beaten up pretty horribly by the other kittens because she was also the smallest in the group. She's still the smallest cat of the group that was adopted out. She weighs 5 lbs as of last week. It's clear she was the runt and not much was expected out of her. Guess what? That sounds all too familiar to me. Guess what else? She amazes everyone who meets her. She has the best personality, she is very smart (too smart actually), she sees something she wants and she goes for it. She isn't afraid of anything. Not the garbage truck, the vacuum cleaner, the other cat who lives here who outweigh her by 20lbs, NOTHING. She adapts to every situation she is in and if she isn't happy, she lets it be known so that something can be done about it. People get caught up with her eye condition when she's ready to conquer the world. I believe I have witnessed her showing exasperation when she hears someone asking a million questions about. How it happened, is she okay, will she lose sight, has she lost sight, can surgery fix it...the list goes on. Well...okay so maybe its ME that shows exasperation when all this happens. It is as if the eye problem defines everything she is and I for one am not going to allow her to be put into that small box of thinking. Ah well...end of mom rant, onto other stories to share about her.
So, when she was given to me, she was this LITTLE ball of black fuzz that squeaked. She insisted on being held like a baby in order to go to sleep. I'm not joking. That is very odd for me to even remember because now she is always on the go. She even sleeps about a foot away from me. If I pick her up and hold her like she used to insist, she squirms and wants to be let down. KIDS! Within 20 minutes of having her, she was named. I had no idea I was getting a kitten and a name did not automatically come to me when I saw her. I put her down so she could explore and she headed under the bed. A 12 oz kitty who is black, going under a bed. FUN TIMES in trying to find her. So I lift up the bed-skirt because I hear this banging against the wall. She comes out from under the bed with this lipstickl in between her paws. She's found a toy!! More than that though, she has found something that had been MISSING for over 2 months. The lipstick is a purchase I made because the color was designed by an actress I very much admire. Mariska Hargitay, who plays one of the lead detectives on Law and Order SVU. Her character's name is Olivia Benson. It came to me then, obviously. She found lipstick that no one else in the house could find. She fell asleep with it between her paws an hour later and I took a picture. It was too "awww" not to.
Today Benson had quite an adventure and she took me with her. She has been enthralled with the deck on the second floor, so WITH supervision I've let her out there. She loves to watch the bees and she REALLY wants them to be her friends so she clears about 2 feet in the air jumping at them when they hover above her. She was up on the railing, and when I watch her I get queasy because she walks like she's on a tightrope. She has this REALLY long tail and she isn't completely aware for whatever reason, that it is ATTACHED to HER. She sees it out of the corner of her eye, notices that it is following her so she chases it. About a month ago, shen she started really liking heights, she was up on the banister on the THIRD floor with us in the kitchen and she saw her tail, chased it in a circle, turned too fast and too wide and went sailing over the edge. She landed on the steps 2 flights down. Fortunately the stairs are carpeted with rather thick carpeting. She shook her head, got up came bounding up the steps and then bit me because ONCE I REALIZED she was okay, I laughed. Well, today we were OUTSIDE, she was standing up on her back legs like a squirrel, the bee flew out of her range and she sailed over the edge. I wil be the first to say that I screamed so loud that neighbors 3 doors down on either side of the house called and or came by. I couldn't see her so my mother went down. There was no noise coming from Benson at this point. Only the sound made when she hit...stones, shells and pebbles I might add. Mom said, "She is looking for you, talk to her" so I managed to talk to her. She went under the bottom part of the deck and hid behind a ladder. Getting her to come out was the LONGEST five minutes I think I have ever waited because in MY mind, if she wasn't moving anymore, she was hurt. She finally came out and I made sure nothing was broken or bleeding. Know what happened? Within 5 minutes she wanted to go back outside. Like nothing ever happened. She wanted to go back out into the world and have FUN. It was ME who took 3 hours to calm down. She was great! She's been sitting in the window and every few minutes she will make sure I'm paying SOME attention and when we lock eyes she makes a "Meh meh" sound that to me says, "Outside!" I think we're a good team for each other. Now I just have to be a good teacher and make sure she knows a HEALTHY dose of caution, while she continues to teach and remind me that there such a thing as too much caution.
Taken for Granted
... the people we love
... the place where we live
... the water we drink
... the animals sharing our life
... the way spring always returns
... the kindness of a stranger
... the food we eat
... the money we have
... the ability to walk, see or hear
... the air we breathe
... the beating of our own heart
I suppose that list could go on and on. I also know that none of us is immune to that list. I know I'm not, thus this post.
I often find it amazing when I stop and realize what I have and what I've taken for granted. I think we, I know I do... get caught up into the moment and forget that everything is not perfect and could go away at any moment. Like that person is always going to be there, be in my life. The water I drink will always be abundant. Money is made to be spent. That stranger is only being nice because they are after me so stay far away from them. And that my heart will always beat.
Sometimes I wonder what brings on some of my posts, yup learning about me and the world around me... it was a pact I made with myself a long time ago... to learn to look at the world from a new perspective, that of me learning about myself as well as all things around me. If you stop and think about it, doing that can render some really interesting things about us and other things. To understand... why I do what I do, why others do what they do. Why the funny little muskrat last night I saw by the pond was there... which then made me wonder why he was there alone. Where was his mate? And shouldn't it all be about that song by The Captain and Tennille, "Muskrat Love"? Then I was amazed at how he ran and jumped into the pond and swam like a little speedboat and that he was good with himself and all was fine with him. Kinda cool really, the speedboat swimming... ya should have been there. :) Damn, forgot my Vado HD+. It's like a Flip. But I prefer it to a Flip and depending on which Flip you get... hmm, you could Flip someone off. I don't give a Flip. Get the Flip away from me. What the Flip do you know. I think I like the name Vado cause it can't really be used in too many sentences like that it's more mysterious. I like mysterious.
I digress. :)
Back to the thought before the muskrat... for if I do that, understand why... maybe certain things I have done before, I will change the way I do them now. Or my post is brought on by something outside of me, another person, TV show etc. Believe me this week it has been brought on by many things outside of me and a few from me. And then I hope that I can learn from it, be better... do better.
*holding up my Cheetos bag* Look, it says GIANT Cheetos. Seriously dude, (sounding like Hurley from Lost), their BIG! Only 5 in a package, that's kind of enough. A bit hard to eat cause they are so big. Sorry, thought I'd share that tid-bit. :P
A few things I've learned this week from myself and other people and things around me is... I need to squeeze out every moment of happy and really appreciate and LIVE life, no matter what cause it IS all good. That I need not to work so much, so I can LIVE life... but still be grateful for having a job at the moment. Sometimes that gets a bit lost in the chaos of my mind and life. Figure out why some times people take me for granted and change that. AND in the process make sure I'm not doing that to people I care about. Really enjoy spring, breathe the air and maybe visit the muskrat and go down and watch him for a while. REALLY love the beating of my own heart, cause the alternative... is not so good and there is SO much to live for.
Taking people and things for granted... I think it's in human nature. I also believe as humans we can change what we take for granted. Sometimes we try our best, but again we are human and sometimes we must teach ourselves things all over again. I hope I can hang onto what I've learned this week. I think today I'll spend some time in the sun and breathe some air and be grateful. :) Thanks everyone who may read this… I am honored and grateful you stopped by! :)
I was over reading one of my favorite bloggers this morning and saw all the responses to her post and not to go into everything about her post I'll just say this... her opening was, "I think we are all born broken. I think we come ripping through the veil with chards of glass impaled in our hearts. We spend our entire human lives here trying to undo the hurts. Perhaps it's an infinity of undoing that we face. It feels that way at times. Sometimes it all seems so hard. Heaven must surely be a reprieve from the toil....or not."
The blogger also went on to say..."I think we'll all be in for a bit of a surprise when we blast out and away from our physical bodies and hurl back into the giant consciousness of the "All". I myself, am not feeling too daunted by the thought of that these days. I feel peaceful at times, which completely surprises me. I have moments of calmness that are truly wonderful..." and "I think depression does bring us closer to "God". We stop long enough to reflect and think and wonder. We stop being selfish long enough to consider a celestial parent. We crave the love of something we can't even begin to understand. Depression makes us vulnerable. It squashes our egos into a neat, pitiful pile. We NEED. We finally need to reach out and say, "Can you see me God? I'm here and I don't know what I am doing"....We long to be filled with faith whether we think we do or not."
Yes, this is kind of out of context, but the essence of these snippets I pulled were interesting. The word broken, depression and God intrigued me. The responses were interesting too, such as...
It was interesting to see how everyone saw the word broken differently... but then kind of the same. And how some believe there is nothing good to come out of depression and God doesn't give a rats arse about us. So of course I had to add my two cents... because these days that is really all I have to spare like everyone else. And I have my moments where I like to go deeper into who and what I am as well as others. So here are my words on the subject that I posted as a comment on her blog, sharing it here cause well, this is my blog. :P
Hmm, the word broken... we are all broken. Some feel we are broken from birth and some don't. Maybe it's the fact that we need to understand the word "broken" in a broader sense.
The definition of broken is not only the obvious physical type such as an arm or leg, but much more such as disconnected, interrupted, not complete, disunited. Also not perfect, flawed.
We as human beings and all animals and actually all living things on this planet are flawed, disconnected and not complete. If we go the route of God and follow all things that way, we can see that God did make us in His image... the word to understand here is "image". He made us in His image... but, He did not make us completely mind, body and soul perfect, as many of us see Him as being. We are a copy, a likeness, resemblance, a visible representation... not completely 100 percent God.
We are not perfect physically or inside us from the day we are born. Yes, we all think babies, puppies and kitties are perfect when they are born. Actually what we're saying is that they are amazing, beautiful and such a miracle of life. And the word perfect in this sense is also used to say that nothing is missing on the puppy physically looking at him, he has a tail and ears etc. Thus he is perfect cause he seems to have all obvious physical parts and looks like we expect him to look. The word perfect in its primary definition actually means, entirely without flaw or defect.......... this we are not. But then nor are the puppies and kitties. ;P
The blogger (keeping names out of this), covers the disconnected side of the word broken in relation to depression and God as she sees it. Kind of just saying that we do look to a higher power in efforts for completeness. The feeling of some connection to something greater (God) while depressed. And amazed at the calmness that comes during being depressed. And that sometimes in our looking for something greater, we discover a little bit more about ourselves and others and some other things that cause us some reflection on life.
As far as depression, gosh, I do think almost everyone in the world has this issue at some time if not a lot of the time. But the calmness, everyone who goes through depression does have this moment... that is what it is, a moment. Some of us realize when it is happening and some of us don't and the time it arrives in your depression depends on just that, time. Some will notice it after they've hit bottom and are slowly making the U turn back. Some notice it right before they've broken through the depression, some of us feel it and then go right back into the depression and some of us don't really realize it cause we are sliding so quickly down and back up it's missed. For it may just be a very, very brief moment that we ignore it. Sometimes the moment lasts a few hours or maybe a day. The wonders of the mind and how it works etc are actually quite amazing. Usually most of us only remember how bad the depression was and how it may have started, we don't remember or ever feel there was a calmness... but there was and you probably made some realization about something. And that will arrive back in your mind after you are out of the depression. Again, the mind is amazing... and it's a terrible thing to waste. ;)
Being broken, disconnected, not complete, flawed... it's kinda good we all are really. It challenges us, it teaches us understanding and acceptance and how to be a better person... not perfect, just better. And it allows us the chance, the opportunity to treat others better. I believe that this is what God truly is asking of us and why were only created in His image and not how we see Him... perfect. It would be pretty dull hanging out with nothing but perfect people and having to look at nothing but pefection all the time... ho hum. :)
p.s.
And if you don't believe in God... well, then we'd have to have that conversation later cause it's time for me to either go to bed or back to work. Peace! :)
This is a fabulous video taken by a security camera in a convenience store. A little girl wanders away from her parents and goes after what she wants! She must have thought she was in heaven!
From MSNBC Koala's rescued. Photo by Colleen Wood, REUTERS/Southern Ash Wildlife Centre.
Watching my cat and dog sometimes makes a lot of things clearer in life. Seeing my dog laying next to me on the couch and the cat looking more comfortable than any "body", human or animal should be, as she lays on the floor. Flat on her back, front paws relaxed as they fall naturally into a bend at her ankle... I guess they have ankles. And her back legs so relaxed with her toes curled. That has always amazed me... cats actually have toes. She looks so at ease and comfortable I often wonder what that would be like and if I asked her would she be willing to tell her secrets on how she came to this state of body bliss.
Then there is my dog, who the best thing to her and what she believes is quality time spent with her is... me sitting on the couch and her little butt tucked tightly against my hip. I guess it's something about the butt area for animals; it's good to keep it warm... I guess. But in any case, to hear her snore peacefully, butt warmed by her closeness to me is rather comforting. Another state of bliss.
Simple, comfortable, relaxed and the world is perfect to them. It makes me smile.
My cat lazily looks around the room as she lies there. Moving her head to the left and right looking. Then looking overhead. I wonder what she is thinking as she does that. Is she thinking of how to pay the next vet bill or finding peace in the world? She seems like those thoughts could almost be possible. But I think she's just looking around to find the next thing to pounce on or looking cute with her fluffy belly exposed so I pet her. In either case, she looks very content... ah, simplicity.
My dog on the other hand gets those far away looks. She gazes off into space with a thoughtful look. Again, is she thinking of solving poverty, feeding the hungry... well, no probably not. Feeding anyone is her thinking about me feeding her. Or she's thinking about her next potty break, why isn't the water bowl full enough or the food bowl isn't full enough or of course, when do I get my treats... ah, simplicity.
I guess even if I think I'm making my life simple sometimes to ease the stress and be able to breathe. I guess I still have a lot to learn from the two rather well balanced furry kids I share my life with at this time. Always something to be learned from the other creatures living with us on this Earth.
With my furry kids there is truly unconditional love. And no matter how we want to give that to another human being, I don't think we truly ever really succeed. I think we try really hard. But we demand too much of others and ourselves. Maybe unconditional love and just living life is easy because of the simplicity for them. They find it easy to love and give love. There's no great demand on them to be something they are not. No deadlines. It would be kinda funny though if you make demands of your cat to be a horse with a little itty-bitty saddle. Wouldn't that be cute? ;) At times my cat does bark and the dog does meow. Sorry, got off track there... but I guess with simplicity in life, many things might come easier.
I don't really know. And if I knew, don't you think I'd tell you? I guess it's good life's such a mystery. Because it sure would be dull if it wasn't and I'd have nothing to unravel.
*tucking this post away in my notebook* Thanks for stopping by. :)
Ok, sorry these photos were taken with my phone cause I was too lazy to pull out the real camera. And well the doggie picture turned out better than this one... my kitty is basically black... but has tortoise shell markings on one side of her face and that side of her body... but it blends in well so she kinda look s completely black. You probably can make out one eye... believe me there are really two... you can see the other one. :)
I think she was trying to blend in with the couch. Look at that fuzzy little face. One of my furry kids. :)
The problem is...SO DO I!!!!!
Benson LOVES climbing through the rungs like a jungle gym!!!
