I'm quite fond of my cat Benson if it isn't already obvious. She has brought many smiles and laughs to my life in the last 5 months that I am not really sure I would have handled as well if it were not for her to be quite honest. I am not where I want to be physically (as in where I am living) or physically as in health-wise. There really isn't anything I can do about either which is just maddening because I...like I suspect many women and even people in general, am a fixer. Problem? Get to work on a solution, STAT. That is actually something I've come to see in Benson and I think that is partially why there is such a strong bond. When she was adopted for me, the vet talked to me at her first appointment and said she has a birth defect in her cornea so there is fluid in her left eye. She was beaten up pretty horribly by the other kittens because she was also the smallest in the group. She's still the smallest cat of the group that was adopted out. She weighs 5 lbs as of last week. It's clear she was the runt and not much was expected out of her. Guess what? That sounds all too familiar to me. Guess what else? She amazes everyone who meets her. She has the best personality, she is very smart (too smart actually), she sees something she wants and she goes for it. She isn't afraid of anything. Not the garbage truck, the vacuum cleaner, the other cat who lives here who outweigh her by 20lbs, NOTHING. She adapts to every situation she is in and if she isn't happy, she lets it be known so that something can be done about it. People get caught up with her eye condition when she's ready to conquer the world. I believe I have witnessed her showing exasperation when she hears someone asking a million questions about. How it happened, is she okay, will she lose sight, has she lost sight, can surgery fix it...the list goes on. Well...okay so maybe its ME that shows exasperation when all this happens. It is as if the eye problem defines everything she is and I for one am not going to allow her to be put into that small box of thinking. Ah well...end of mom rant, onto other stories to share about her.
So, when she was given to me, she was this LITTLE ball of black fuzz that squeaked. She insisted on being held like a baby in order to go to sleep. I'm not joking. That is very odd for me to even remember because now she is always on the go. She even sleeps about a foot away from me. If I pick her up and hold her like she used to insist, she squirms and wants to be let down. KIDS! Within 20 minutes of having her, she was named. I had no idea I was getting a kitten and a name did not automatically come to me when I saw her. I put her down so she could explore and she headed under the bed. A 12 oz kitty who is black, going under a bed. FUN TIMES in trying to find her. So I lift up the bed-skirt because I hear this banging against the wall. She comes out from under the bed with this lipstickl in between her paws. She's found a toy!! More than that though, she has found something that had been MISSING for over 2 months. The lipstick is a purchase I made because the color was designed by an actress I very much admire. Mariska Hargitay, who plays one of the lead detectives on Law and Order SVU. Her character's name is Olivia Benson. It came to me then, obviously. She found lipstick that no one else in the house could find. She fell asleep with it between her paws an hour later and I took a picture. It was too "awww" not to.
Today Benson had quite an adventure and she took me with her. She has been enthralled with the deck on the second floor, so WITH supervision I've let her out there. She loves to watch the bees and she REALLY wants them to be her friends so she clears about 2 feet in the air jumping at them when they hover above her. She was up on the railing, and when I watch her I get queasy because she walks like she's on a tightrope. She has this REALLY long tail and she isn't completely aware for whatever reason, that it is ATTACHED to HER. She sees it out of the corner of her eye, notices that it is following her so she chases it. About a month ago, shen she started really liking heights, she was up on the banister on the THIRD floor with us in the kitchen and she saw her tail, chased it in a circle, turned too fast and too wide and went sailing over the edge. She landed on the steps 2 flights down. Fortunately the stairs are carpeted with rather thick carpeting. She shook her head, got up came bounding up the steps and then bit me because ONCE I REALIZED she was okay, I laughed. Well, today we were OUTSIDE, she was standing up on her back legs like a squirrel, the bee flew out of her range and she sailed over the edge. I wil be the first to say that I screamed so loud that neighbors 3 doors down on either side of the house called and or came by. I couldn't see her so my mother went down. There was no noise coming from Benson at this point. Only the sound made when she hit...stones, shells and pebbles I might add. Mom said, "She is looking for you, talk to her" so I managed to talk to her. She went under the bottom part of the deck and hid behind a ladder. Getting her to come out was the LONGEST five minutes I think I have ever waited because in MY mind, if she wasn't moving anymore, she was hurt. She finally came out and I made sure nothing was broken or bleeding. Know what happened? Within 5 minutes she wanted to go back outside. Like nothing ever happened. She wanted to go back out into the world and have FUN. It was ME who took 3 hours to calm down. She was great! She's been sitting in the window and every few minutes she will make sure I'm paying SOME attention and when we lock eyes she makes a "Meh meh" sound that to me says, "Outside!" I think we're a good team for each other. Now I just have to be a good teacher and make sure she knows a HEALTHY dose of caution, while she continues to teach and remind me that there such a thing as too much caution.

Here is my latest radio interview, with Robin Hardy of "Empowering You Radio - Empowered Journey". I share how you can use my system "ACT as if!" to reboot your attitude and kickstart the Law of Attraction!
I think that now more than ever, we need tools to get ourselves out of the fear and panic that many of us are dealing with right now. Remember, the Law of Attraction says that "like attracts like". Which means, that it works both ways. When you are high and you are vibrating at a positive, happy level, everything seems to be easy and good things come to you. But it also works in reverse. When things are bad, we get overwhelmed and can become victims. Then we call it Murphy's Law as the sky continues to fall on our heads. We just stay there because we become paralyzed. The solution? We need to turn the Law of Attraction into positive ACTION! But....how do we do that?
I believe that too many of us get caught up in trying to use what we learned in The Secret, and get stuck in our heads trying to make our "thoughts become things". It's a catchy little phrase, but this is where we usually slam into a wall. It's too hard to try and control our thoughts. What really triggers the Law of Attraction into working in your life is the EMOTIONS and FEELINGS behind what you want. It turns out it's not really about thoughts after all, it's about believing and feeling that you are already who and where you want to be! You have to get out of your head and into your heart and soul and passion, so you can truly "vibrate" there from the very core of your being.
I fell into this trap myself last September. I had a "perfect storm" of events in my life that left me devastated. Me, who is usually the Eternal Optimist. And then along with the rest of the world, I got caught up in the fear and panic as we watched our economy collapse. The stress manifested in me with chronic hives for three months. I finally decided enough is enough, that nobody was going to save me but me, and I consciously decided to do whatever I had to do to pull myself back up again. It wasn't easy at first, but I started taking actions, one day at a time. Using my tried and true "ACT as if!" system, I am now back fully and stronger than ever for going through the lesson.
In this interview, I am very honest about what I went through and how I overcame it to come out the other side. If I can do it, you can too! Remember: ACT as if it's already happening...until it is!
Much love,
Barbara
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Robin-Hardy/2009/02/02/Empowering-You-Radio-An-Empowered-Journey
I finally have downloaded the photos off my camera. I don't know why I don't do it more often. But I must admit that it's sort of fun to finally do it and discover lots of memories I had forgotten that I have.
For instance, I forgot I had these photos from last September's film set of "Summer's Blood". It's a psychological horror film, and I star with Ashley Greene (Twilight), Stephen McHattie (Watchmen) and Peter Mooney. This is a very disturbing movie, because we are a family of serial killers. Hint: Do not go down in the basement! :)
Poor Ashley Greene (with me in the photo) picks the wrong family to get involved with.
The other shot is the house we used as our main location. It actually belonged to a wonderful family who was very patient with us while we shot there. (Can you imagine a hundred people coming in and taking over your house for a month?) You can't see them in the photo, but they had sheep and goats and chickens and every other farm animal, and each morning when we arrived on set, they would all walk out to greet us. Very curious animals! Or maybe they wanted to get in the movie?
One other very odd thing....for some reason the house was getting attacked by flies. Literally. We had fly traps hanging everywhere, and still could not stop them. In several scenes Ashley Greene, Peter Mooney and I were supposed to be eating food, but as soon as they set it out, the flies would swarm all over it. You will notice that we just sort of pushed the food around mostly to avoid eating them. It actually works to have them in the scene for production value, because the movie is supposed to be about decay. I hope they keep the buzzing noise of the flies in the sound track. I assure you it was very creepy sitting there listening to it happen live and trying not to flinch when they flew into my ear while the camera was rolling. ACKKKK!!
I got to live another one of my dreams yesterday! I was asked to play a Captain in an Army training film for Combat Film Productions. I have always wanted to play someone in the military, but in all my 20 years or so of being an actor, I've never gotten to do it. Til now!
My character is Captain Chandler, Intelligence officer, and she is supposed to outrank the other officers in the scene and give them a hard time when they don't take her seriously. I needed some military coaching in body language, attitude and wardrobe, and everyone could not have been nicer to me. Plus, everybody else in the cast and crew used to be in the military, so I was able to pick everybody's brain. I wanted to know how it would really feel to be a woman in basically a man's Army, butting heads with men. I had an absolute blast, and hope they'll bring me back again. My huge thanks go out to Jody Hart, Jared Chandler and the rest of the cast and crew for treating me like family, and for making one of my dreams come true!
Here's their website: www.CombatFilmProductions.com They're doing amazing things, including 360 degree filming, and special effects.
This is Hugh Daly, who did my wardrobe and coached me on military protocol. He's former military himself, and looks and sounds like Sean Connery. He even has a British accent!
Notice the snowy hills in the background? We were shooting in Palmdale, CA to make it look like Afghanistan, where it really does snow. Trust me, this snow is very real! Would you believe as I was driving there, only an hour from Los Angeles, it started snowing so hard that they almost closed the freeway? And we had to shoot outside all day long. I still feel like a popsicle. :)
I also want to send a shout out to all the real military personnel who live in these conditions every day, for little pay except for personal honor. I salute you and thank you for serving!
I got to play one of my dreams come true yesterday, when I played a Captain in an Army training film. This is a shot from the set. In all the shooting I've done over the last 20 years or so, I've never gotten to wear a military uniform. I had a blast, even though it was freezing outside. We actually had a blizzard on and off all day - right here in California!
I hope this blog ends up in the "ACT as if"-section (this is my first blog ever so I'm not sure about what I'm doing), cause with this one I wanna act as if it's 5 years from now and I give an update on my very busy and madly interessting life. This is my visionboard 2014: 
*After many years as a "struggling -" I can finally change that describtion to "working actress". I am extremely happy and proud of myself cause I had the strength to be patient, faithful and not give up - difficult thing - and I was rewarded so much more than I'd ever dreamed!
2,5 years ago I signed a contract with the FOX on a new primetime series. It's drama, it's comedy, it's political, it's sci-fi, it's filmed in Vancouver!...it's successful! This is the 3rd season and there's no end in sight. My character has been given the opportunity to transform from the 'unloved underpart' to a 'more loved lead'! And yet there are so many more layers to be peeled off. Can't wait to see what happens with her next, myself. And I just can't believe how lucky I am! My life is everything I wanted it to be - and more.
Beside this wonderful series in Canada, a few movies in the States, I also shoot 1 or 2 pictures a year in Germany. And eventhough I feel a bit torn between these two countries, I'm also extremely priviledged cause I have the best family and friends on both sides!
There's my "root" group in Germany that know me longer than anybody else. That have been with me through all the...past and still like me for some reason and that I'd do everything for. And there's my new crew of friends (incl. a couple of colleagues from the show), the most attractive, funny, intelligent, charming, polite, understanding, PERFECT guy in the world (and he's all mine!) and our beloved puppy.
We live in an appartment that's my dream come true and - can you believe it - have a cleaning lady! Yay!
I'm not sure how I deserved all this, but I'm very grateful for it! I enjoy every single day of my life and I feel better, stronger, happier, healthier than I've ever felt in my entire life.
I try to give some of that back by donating a certain percentage of my income each year to different organzisations. And I hope that in the near future I can do even more - I admit I haven't done as much research as I could have and I promise to improve.*
Now, what have you been up to during the past 5 years? 
I talked to three girlfriends today and all three made some negative comment about themselves and talked about trying to get perfect. (This is still in New Year’s resolution territory after all.) I had to laugh. Even though I am in the same club. In fact, while I was talking to them, I was measuring out my 1,000 calorie a day diet I’m on right now (per my nutritionist) to get leaner for filming, and reading a magazine about which celebrities have had plastic surgery.
It’s a sickness. We are all fabulous, beautiful and talented women! So why do we feel this way? That we are never THERE yet? Wherever THERE is. And where does this whole concept of “Perfect” come from?
I am working hard to get past it. And to celebrate me now, as I am, instead of what I possibly-maybe-probably not-could be someday. My business puts added pressure on me though. Every other actress I work with is a size zero. It’s my life, and I have to deal with it. It’s disheartening, but if I start to obsess about it I start to spiral downwards. And that’s a bad place that I never want to see again. I am through feeding an eating disorder.
So…I consciously use “triggers” to get my attitude up again. They work instantly too! Things like: My magical vision board! Love words I say to myself! Celebrating my wins as they happen! Screaming a big fat happy YES inside myself!
And this year on January 1st I started a gratitude journal that I write in every night. I get into bed, open the book and reflect back on my day to find the good stuff. Makes me more aware of all the positive things in my life, and it outweighs the "not perfect" ones. And my attitude changes.
My girlfriend Phyllis decided to use “white butterflies” as her trigger. I even bought her white butterfly earrings. And would you believe she often ends up seeing them fly around her now? How weird is that. She calls me all the time and says “I’m looking at a white butterfly!” For real. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one around here, and I live in the same building. The Universe really does listen to us and sends back exactly what we are putting out. If it’s positive you’ll get positive back. But if it’s negative, watch out.
So when the negatives start happening to you, please borrow my trick. Do something that celebrates the positives in your life. Create your own triggers so that you are in control and can bounce right back up! It's that magical Law of Attraction thing...
Maybe we should just form a club called CLUB NOT SO PERFECT. And celebrate that! Hey, I think I’m on to something….
Love and Light!
Barbara
Leslie La Page talks about being a woman in show business and how she created LA Femme Film Festival as a way to support and showcase women directors, writers, producers and directors of photography. She tells how the film festival process works, what they look for in submissions, and how to make your film stand out! She also distributes films and helps with mentoring, funding and marketing independent film makers.
Episode Segments:
What's it like to be a woman in the film business, and how can we inspire and mentor each other?
Leslie talks about her history as an actor/producer/director and how she learned to combine her business strength with being an Artist. She says women need to do more mentoring "up and down the ranks" and help women get the training and experience they need to compete for every job on the set. Men do it, but women don't do it enough for some reason. Women are talented filmmakers, and we don't need to limit ourselves because of old views in Hollywood. She created LA Femme Film Festival to celebrate and empower films made by women in key roles.
How do film festivals work, how do I submit my film, and what exactly are the different festivals looking for?
She's got a lot of festival experience, working as a programmer at Slamdance for years. She talks about how she created the Slamdance Bootcamp seminar for filmmakers, to take them from concept all the way through to the finished, distributed film. She is going to do the same thing soon through LA Femme Film Festival.
Leslie says to be smart when deciding who to submit your film to, and talks about the difference between festivals, that each one has a "theme". Find out who goes there, what kind of film do they pick, and what happens to the winners?
Guidelines for submitting to the LA Femme Film Festival, and how to level the playing field when you're competing against higher budget films.
Leslie works with the New Orleans Film Festival too, and talks about Louisiana and Florida film commission tax incentives. We need more incentives in place at the state and federal level, to keep production here in the states.
This is the third year for the LA Femme Film Festival, taking place Oct. 11-14, 2007 in Beverly Hills. (The LA Femme Film Festival takes place annually in October.) Leslie gives the guidelines for submissions, and says since it's here in L.A., there will be lots of distributors attending. That's important, because having your film in a festival is really the only way to get your film seen for most people. She says that smaller budget films can definitely compete against higher budgets with bigger names, and says the key is having a great script, great actors and lots of rehearsal!
LA Femme is an international film festival, and it's exciting to see films from women all over the world. It's important to network at these events!
LA Femme is an international festival, and she's getting submissions from women all over the world, including China, Korea, Jerusalem and Iran. Leslie says if you don't make it into her festival the first time, she gives you a free VIP pass to attend and watch all the other films to learn what you're competing against, so you can come back stronger next year. You can also attend all the events and parties and network with people like Martha Coolidge, who is being honored this year.
Leslie has a distribution company called Foundation Films, and offers services such as script-doctoring, financing, accounting and marketing. She says never take "No!" for an answer!
To listen to the radio interview Barbara did with Leslie, visit www.BigMediaUsa.com
You can find out more about the LA Femme Film Festival by visiting their website.
I cannot stop looking at my new Vision Board I created. I just want to clap my hands and shout “YES!” It's magnificent, and feels magical, which makes ME feel powerful and giddy and excited to start!
Visions Boards have been one of my secret weapons for years. I've used them way before I ever heard about "The Secret" or the Law of Attraction. They have always worked for me, and things have come true in almost scary fashion. For instance, when I moved to New York to shoot One Life to Live, I cut out a photo of a NY brownstone made out of brick, with a balcony and a beautiful leafy tree in front of it. I taped it to my computer monitor and looked at it all the time. THAT would be my dream place to live in New York. Well, would you believe that I ended up living in a place that matched that description exactly? Absolutely true. And that’s happened over and over in my life.
I have always cut out words and phrases and photos of things that spark me. A photo of an actress I want my career to be like, or a photo of myself framed in a little television magnet (next to Oprah!), for motivation. I cut out words like "YES!" and "BELIEVE!" and "Brimming with joy!" And “I will make a difference!” Those words, when I say them even to myself, change me inside. They evoke an emotion and spark me to action!
For instance, I found a photo of Doris Roberts on imbd and printed it out. It's one where she just received an Emmy, and she's holding it high in the air in victory. I have had that on the front page of my Daytimer ever since. If she can still win five Emmys at her age, all things are still possible for the rest of us! Every time I see that photo, my dream is sparked anew.
There’s something powerful that happens when you write down your dreams, and add photos and comments and words that shake you to your core. It’s not about the THINGS you want either. It’s about the EMOTIONS you have when you see and think of them. This actually causes you to raise your mood and you vibrate at a different level. I know that sounds pretty technical, but that is what the Law of Attraction is. It says that thoughts become things. I know this for a fact. And I urge you if you haven’t seen it yet, please watch “The Secret” and learn about this whole Law of Attraction thing. It can be your secret weapon too.
So…my new Vision Board is a work in progress. I add and subtract things every day as new things come to me. It’s my living and breathing DREAM! It’s my brand new start, something that reflects where I want to go and who I want to be in this new year. And every time I stand in front of my board, I smile and applaud the courage and journey of this woman I have become, and celebrate all the incredible adventures yet to be!
Here's to living your Dreams too!
Barbara
This makes me laugh. We were so young! Boy, we had fun on this movie, and it's become kind of a campy cult classic now. With me here is Nick Vallelonga on the left, and Bobby Ray Shafer on the right. I just shot another movie recently with Bobby Ray, called "Heat Wave" which will be out soon.
This man changed my life. He passed away in September, 2008, and I miss him very much. Read his book "Dreams Into Action"... he was on Oprah with it, and Deepak Chroprah wrote the forward. It's an amazing kick in the butt to get you on your way to living your dreams!
Hey Everyone!
Besides the primary area of the new community we also have Groups! You can join any group if you like. A brief run down of the groups are:
On the set photos from the Aaron Spelling TV show "Charmed". Barbara appeared in two episodes as Helen Jenkins, the mother of Billie, a young witch the Halliwell sisters took under their wing. The two episodes she appeared in were, "Mr. & Mrs. Witch" and "Generation Hex".
On the set photos from the Aaron Spelling TV show "Charmed". Barbara appeared in two episodes as Helen Jenkins, the mother of Billie, a young witch the Halliwell sisters took under their wing. The two episodes she appeared in were, "Mr. & Mrs. Witch" and "Generation Hex".
On the set photos from the Aaron Spelling TV show "Charmed". Barbara appeared in two episodes as Helen Jenkins, the mother of Billie, a young witch the Halliwell sisters took under their wing. The two episodes she appeared in were, "Mr. & Mrs. Witch" and "Generation Hex".
On the set photos from the Aaron Spelling TV show "Charmed". Barbara appeared in two episodes as Helen Jenkins, the mother of Billie, a young witch the Halliwell sisters took under their wing. The two episodes she appeared in were, "Mr. & Mrs. Witch" and "Generation Hex".
