(The Paradox of Recovery— by Rebecca B.)
I can remember when I was little and one day realized that all my pennies were “real money” & could buy “real candy”! (Yes, it’s been that long!) I found myself far less willing to share my pennies because “they were MINE!” I horded them in jars all over my room & just LOVED knowing “I” had them.
When I became older I remember realizing that there tends to be 1/2 of a delivered pizza that is ALWAYS “cheesier” than the other. I would almost break my neck trying to claim “my half” of the pizza ahead of my sister! (And did I think about sharing it? NO!) I’m SURE I need not even begin to share what I was like in regards to my mind altering substances in addiction right?!
So then I came into recovery & began to learn about all of these wonderful tools that could help me to live & be happy, like a good counselor, sponsor, home group, etc.. I found myself however, wanting him to be “my” counselor, wanting her to be “my” sponsor & my home group to be “mine”! I didn’t want to “share” them. I didn’t want to share “my” recovery either. I actually had a fear that if I didn’t keep it all to myself, then I would somehow loose it! The whole concept that I had to “give away” what I wanted to “keep” made NO sense to me AT ALL. After all, wasn’t I supposed to look out for me?
Of course what I didn’t really understand at that time was that God is infinite & that recovery is limitless & big enough for everyone. Recovery is a paradox in that it is not logical AT ALL. We gain power through the admission of our powerlessness; To be saved I have to “let go”; To win recovery, I have to “surrender”; and To keep what I have, I have to “give it away!” I always encourage every one I meet, regardless of whatever fellowship they may or may not belong to, to make a conscious effort everyday to “give away” the very things that make their life better!
In my sobriety I have found that taking this principle to great extremes has not only kept me clean/sober, but has done far more towards giving me a consistent sense of happiness, joy and contentment in my life!