So at thirty years old I never imaged I'd be living back at home and starting over not just for the first time but a second. I appearently I haven't learned any lessons from five crappy years with Heather, I had to go for a repeat performance with Shannon. I've been trying not to think about the shit she and I did but at every turn there is a reminder (whether a person or place).  I just keep wishing I had a time machine and I would go back to pivot points in my life and change things...yes, I know that won't make who I am today but honestly I'm not fond of who I am today. I know everyone will say things will work out how they should in the end but really, people is that a valid answer? I think not. Everyone else's life is in the fast forward lane and I'm stuck on pause...yes, I realize I have the power to change things and I am workin on it. Believe me when I say I am not just sitting on my ass doing nothing! Lately I when I look at pictures from three or more years ago I see a happier me and I am finding it hard not to cry when I see them because I know how I felt when it was taken and I don't feel that way anymore. I am tired of being the third wheel, whether its with other people's husbands or babies. But here's the weird part I have no real desire to get married again and other people's children are better because at the end of the day you can hand them back! So why do I care that I'm not married with children? I don't know, I guess maybe because I didn't think I would the last one standing that includes my younger sister! I like being single but I hate it too, it would be nice to go out with someone on a regular basis.

Anyway, I'm just a little vexed with my life so don't mind me right now...just venting people...so no need to hop on the phone to make sure I haven't jumped out the nearest window!