In the beginning, the eating disorder (ED) felt like it was a friend to me. It was a solution to my problems. When everything else in my life seemed so out of control, the eating disorder was there for me, comforting me. But soon enough, the eating disorder showed its true face. And it turned out it was not a friend -- and never was.

The eating disorder did not care about me. It only cared about itself and was using me. A friend does not beat you up, a friend does not make you punish yourself, a friend does not make you feel miserable, a friend does not take away your passions... the eating disorder is not your friend.

And whenever you hear the voice in your head telling you that you aren't good enough, need to lose weight, punish yourself… ask yourself if that is the "real you" that is talking, or if it is your eating disorder that is speaking to you. At first, it can be very difficult to separate these two voices as it feels like you are "it" and "it" is you... When I struggled, it felt like the eating disorder was me, and I was “it” – “it” was my identity; I didn't know who I was without it.

During my recovery, I had to learn to separate these two voices --- mine and the eating disorder voice. And when it was the eating disorder talking, I had to learn to fight back, talk back and disobey its commands. I had to learn to take control back over my life -- after all, it was MY life, not the eating disorder's. 

Now you have to do the same. And through it, your recovery will come. You can learn to love and enjoy your life again. Please stay strong and keep on believing in yourself!

All the best and take good care of yourself,

Andrea

PS. Looking for eating disorder recovery support? I invite you to check out my monthly ezine called the You Are Not Alone Support Letter which is filled with recovery stories, interviews, poems, artwork, recovery tips, and more... for more information, visit www.youarenotalonebook.com/supportletter.html